The perpetual numbness, the dissociation
I thought life was supposed to be a sinusoid
But it's more of a flatline
With a few steep, sharp, short-lived blips
When I am one with nature
I come alive, I blip
I have felt it in Lamar Valley in Yellowstone
In the poppy fields of Antelope Valley
With the Starry Night,
And most recently
Under a cove of sun kissed birch trees
In the sweetness of the cool gentle breeze
In the birdsong and the music of the trees
Witnessing a feast of colors in fall and spring
And with the lightest light bouncing off of the snow
I have felt it, profoundly, in these places
A sharp steep blip in my otherwise flat signal
But it doesn't last
I want to keep a piece of it with me at all times
Be present, feel alive
I want to make it last
The short-lived blip in my otherwise flat signal
You say 'If it lasted it wouldn't be special',
yet I feel
It can never not be special
In its fleetingness, it can be everlasting
Meeting you made me feel it too
The connection
And that bit has lasted
Its not a compliment silly
Its not your friendship, so much as it is you
You being you, and you existing
And you letting me in, sort of ...
As much as you let me in
Which wasn't a lot
But it was a lot for you, and enough for me
I value life, I want to feel alive
I want the numbness to end
Not me
